So my cell phone died. No, really. It died. After calling T-Mobile and spending an hour (yes, an hour) on the phone with some overly-happy dude about how my contract was about to be up, and how I was eligible for a brand new expensive free phone, I accidentally pressed the wrong button and hung up on whatever college dropout I was talking to. Naturally, when I called back, I did not hear the same voice on the other end of the phone. When I asked this new salesperson if she had anything on my record referring to the hour’s worth (yes, remember, it was an hour) of conversation I had just participated in, she told me they had nothing. A Friday afternoon wasted.
How have I chosen to fight back, friends? Well, considering my contract has indeed run out, I have opted against re-upping with the company. Actually, I have opted against re-upping with…cell phones.
Yep, that’s right. I have embarked on a Brave New World in which I am one of the six people under the age of 30 without a mobile device. Instead, I have a wonderful new cordless telephone, fully equipped with caller ID, brand new digits and, most importantly, no text messaging function.
Of course I’ve been castrated by all who know about this decision. “Oh, I wasn’t sure if your 1997 phone was able to let you know I was calling,” someone told me yesterday. But on the flip side, I was able to share a conversation with a different friend about this decision that allowed me to find a unique revelation I hadn’t otherwise considered.
At what age do you look foolish trolling around with a cell phone? Remember the first time you got a text message from your mother and you turned to whoever was around you, giggled, and said “Oh geez. My mom just learned how to text?” Or how about how awkward it is when you stumble upon someone in their 40s or 50s talking about sexting with someone in the bar?
See what I mean? It’s sort of like realizing your uncle has a Facebook page or your much older, once-removed cousin constantly updates his Twitter account. It just seems odd, and it takes innocence out of a realm that is based upon – and marketed to – innocent young people who pride themselves on one-upping their peers with the latest movie, music, book or technology. The cell phone generation viewing older people partake in the intricacies of such cell phone-like activities is akin to a 56-year-old Republican father donning tie-died T-shirts while participating in protests alongside the baby boomer generation in 1968.
Sure, I understand the criticism and rush to view my action as pretentious, pompous or ironic in some type of obnoxious way. But in reality, it promises a simpler life on a lot of levels, and that’s comforting. Am I swearing off cell phones forever? Of course not. But for now, it feels nice. And besides, having a land line now allows for such hilarious actions as the one below to ensue…