To paraphrase one of my favorite comedians Jim Gaffigan, the Food Network is like porn when you’re hungry. I would argue that you don’t even need to be hungry, but that’s just how I roll. Don’t hate.
It’s become somewhat of a tradition of mine to torture myself nightly by turning on the Food Network as I’m lying in bed trying to fall sleep. And while I could probably give you a 5,000 word essay on the sociological impact of the Network as a whole (yes, I’m that passionate), I felt a list of the main personalities (according to foodnetwork.com) and my opinions of each may be more apropos.
No particular order mind you - here’s who I love, who I could do without and why.
Love: Bobby Flay
If you put me on the spot and told me I had to pick a favorite Food Network personality, it would be this ginger-kid gone great. I love his recipes, I love that he loves to barbecue and I lovelovelove his show “Throwdown” – although I don’t like it when he wins; that’s just mean Bobby, stop. Side note: I feel like this dude could drink us all under the table as well – which is awesome.
Do Without: Paula Deen
I think I’m in the minority here, but everything from her accent to her recipes are over the top. And what casual cook uses three lbs. of butter with every dish?
Love: Guy Fieri
I know, I know, he’s cheesy, a bit cliché and I get the feeling he would be that guy at the party who has one or two drinks then jumps in the pool with his clothes on, not because he’s drunk but because he digs the attention. His look is ridiculous (and that’s being nice) and his cooking show is… eh. But to me he seems about as genuine as the mom and pop restaurant shop owners he visits on “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.”
Do Without: Sandra Lee
Everything I said about Guy Fieri, reverse it, and that’s how I feel about this chick. She comes across as the Martha Stewart of the Food Network – and that’s not a compliment. I do like some of her recipes on “Semi-Homemade Cooking” though.
Love: Alton Brown
Geeks are in and this guy is the nerd movement’s executive chef. Who doesn’t want to know the chemical makeup of yeast anyways?
Indifferent: Giada De Laurentiis and Rachael Ray
I put these two together because my grandmother has told me on several occasions that they both need to stop wearing such low cut tops if they’re going to be leaning over counters and burners all day. That and I think they’re both pretty boring also.
Jury’s Still Out: The Neelys
I’m very hot and cold on this sometimes adorable, sometimes repulsive couple and their public displays of affection. I like the recipes for the most part, I like that they’re high school sweethearts and I think I like them… but I just can’t be sure.
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