Ah yes, the microwave

You know what’s one of the most painstaking waits in the world? The time spent standing next to the microwave waiting for your food to finish cooking. Seriously, has two and a half minutes ever seemed to take so friggin’ long? If put in a different situation, two and a half minutes can fly by in the blink of an eye - like when you’re standing in line for a roller coaster at Cedar Point, getting up to use the restroom during the commercial break of American Idol and/or killing some time at work by looking up YouTube videos. Two and a half minutes - Gone.

What’s worse is when there are other people waiting to use the microwave, like in a work setting or something. You can never be sure if one minute will be long enough to thoroughly heat your leftover shake and bake chicken AND baked potato. And then if you take your plate out for the heat test and, God forbid, the potato is still cold, you have to pretend not to see your co-worker shake his or her head in utter disgust as you meekly put your plate back in the box. You mutter some joke/apology that will hopefully make up for the fact that you are taking precious minutes from their lunch break, but deep down you know that in their mind you are currently at the same level as an inside dog with bowel control problems.

And then there’s the guy who flat out refuses to cover his food, resulting in a mess that would make even “Dirty Jobs” host Mike Rowe blush. Seriously, is there anything worse than cleaning a microwave? All right, maybe there are a few things that are worse, but still… It’s so awkward to clean in the little crevices; the remnants of marinara, barbecue and day old pierogies are just baked onto the white plastic walls… For the love of God, just cover your plate/bowl/dish with a paper towel (or its equivalent) before turning the power on, even if there is only a slight chance your food may bubble and pop. Not hard.

Ever microwave a peep? Not what you'd expect...



It’s gonna be a good Ride at 4 o’clock today. Come back and get on board!

- TS