...For The Ride Home: Weezer announces tour dates, ESPN ombudsman reacts to things and how to talk like a vampire

For as long as Michael Cera continues to make movies, I will continue to go out of my way to make sure I see them. It may have taken nine months to get to it, but alas, I finally was able to take in an evening with the accompanying flick last night. It was pretty Michael Cera-ish. Had no idea it had such an interesting cast, though, which was a pleasant surprise. If you don't like Michael Cera, don't see this movie. But if you like him, well, hey. Why not? Welcome to Thursday. We here at The Unusual Suspects sincerely hope you are having a wonderful day-before-the-final-day-of-the-work-week. This is your reminder that we will indeed offer our next installment of Blogspot Banter tomorrow, so be sure to check back for that (in addition to the always-wonderful post about movies we haven't seen yet, of course). "30 Rock" flies its way back onto your television sets this evening, so this is your friendly reminder that yes, it is the best show on television today, and yes, you ought to check it out at 8:30 (new time!). And finally, well, "Outsourced" looks awful. If you think it's mildly interesting, rent the movie and then shun the television show. OK. Now that we've done all that, we encourage you to click a few links and have a fabulous rest of your Thursday.

ESPN ombudsman finally speaks about all the madness that’s been happening. And it appears as though no one is happy about the things he said. (Deadspin)

If you pass along links, we will use them, friends. “…off in the open field, no bricks in sight, stands Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger with 37 million readers online wondering whether he could soon run the largest newspaper site in the world.” (Buzz Machine)

David Gregory speaks. News junkies listen. (Washington News Council)

Hey! Hey! Tomorrow is National Punctuation Day! (St. Petersburg Times)

Never, ever got into them. But I know there are gabillions of you who did. Weezer announce the first batch of dates for the tour in which they will play their albums from front to back. (Pitchfork)

How to talk like a vampire. That’s pretty much all you need to know. (CNN)

I was happy I got to see it last night as it happened. Letterman made it awkward, I thought, after harping on what he harped on for as long as he did. It was still worth seeing, though. (Hollywood Reporter)

NBA players want to know how much money commissioner David Stern is getting paid. So, this means we don’t already know? Hmmm. (TMZ)

Woody Paige. Suicide. And depression. Read this. (Denver Post)

...For The Ride Home: Letterman visits 'The View,' The Anvil gets arrested and more from the Mike Wise situation

Saw this last night. Watched it with two other people, and without any doubt, I was the one who enjoyed it the most (one of the others had already seen it, though). It was...better than I thought it would be. Actually moderately-to-a-lot better than I thought it was going to be. And it's hard to be funny. But there were moments that I thought were genuinely funny. If I thought only three of those moments were going to occur going in, it turned out that somewhere around five actually happened. That's a good ratio. Anyways, hello Week 24. How do you do? First and foremost, we here at The Unusual Suspects headquarters would like to offer sincere apologizes for not offering up a "Mad Men" recap this week, but 1) I wasn't able to watch it yet, 2) It's Tuesday, so it's too old to speak of now and 3) There will indeed be a link below that leads you to our usual "Mad Men" recap piece penned by Entertainment Weekly. To make it up to you, though, we would like to point out that there may or may not be something brand new that is brewing for tomorrow. Could it be a new feature? Could it be a huge announcement? Could it be wonderful? Could it make you love us that much more? Goodness, so many questions to be answered. You'll have to check back to see what all the fuss is about. Before that gets here, though, check out a few links, enjoy this September afternoon and think back to all the fantastic memories you made over Labor Day weekend.

The Anvil gets arrested for drug possession. I defy you to come up with five names of former professional wrestlers who adjusted to normal life easily. (Tampa Tribune)

Boise State clinched a national title berth last night. Today, they gain seven first-place votes in the AP poll. (ESPN)

Nobody buys newspaper advertisements anymore. Oh, this is bad. (Editor & Publisher)

Editor is charged by coroner for two interviews. Funny. (Twitter)

More from the Mike Wise fallout. Now, the Post’s ombudsman takes his shots. (Washington Post)

ABC News loses its leader. Get those resumes ready. (CNN)

Barbara Walters comes back to “The View.” David Letterman visits. (USA Today)

And here is your weekly “Mad Men” wrap-up. Need to catch up before this Sunday. (Entertainment Weekly)

Kovalchuk deal shows a major chink in the NHL's armor

First things first – a hearty welcome back is in order for my blogging-better half. Oh how we’ve missed his witty repartee and essential Ride Home links… He’s going to read this and think I’m being mean-spirited and sarcastic, but I assure you, friends, nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, since his arrival a few days ago, I have not heard from him in any way, shape or form, which has been upsetting for me. I suppose in due time. Maybe he’ll post a comment today.

☺

On to the matter at hand: I’ve used several thousand words on this very blog to express my criticisms of aspects of various sports (most notably football), but I have given the National Hockey League a pass so far.

As I’ve noted before, the NHL is my favorite professional sporting league; however, there’s one thing that, to borrow a line from Peter Griffin, really grinds my gears – the ridiculously lengthy contracts that are doled out like those cheesy biscuits at Red Lobster (I’m hungry).

Case in point is the New Jersey Devils’ signing of Ilya Kovalchuk. At 27 years old, Kovalchuk just inked a 17-year, $102 million deal… so if my simple math is correct, that would make him a Devil until after his 44th birthday. Unless Kovalchuk somehow has the same tenacity, vigor and mental illness of Mark Recchi (who I think is still looking for a team to sign him at the ripe age of 48), then something is just wrong with this picture.

Why even bring a deal like this to the table? I realize this contract will in all likelihood never be fully carried out – and yes, I know people will say “who cares” for that reason alone – but at what point is hockey making itself the butt of a joke with these contracts?

For a sport like hockey that is fighting tooth and nail to reaffirm its spot as a top sport in the U.S., laughable stories such as these are detrimental to the image of the league. Part of the allure of the game is that its players are not like the A-Rods, Roethlisbergers and Kobes – and by them I mean spoiled rich kids.

According to CapGeek.com (and as reported by NHL Blogger Adam Gretz), in addition to Kovalchuk, here are some of the longest NHL contracts in the last decade:

Rick Dipietro (Islanders): 15 years, $67.5 million
Alex Ovechkin (Capitals): 13 years, $123.5 million
Henrik Zetterberg (Red Wings): 12 years, $73 million
Vincent Lecavalier (Lightning): 11 years, $84.7 million
Marian Hossa (Blackhawks): 12 years, $62.4 million
Roberto Luongo (Canucks): 12 years, $64 million
Johan Franzen (Red Wings): 11 years, $43 million

Of these players, the average age at the start of the contract was 27. The average age by the end of these contacts is about 39 and some change. A bit much in my humble opinion. Perhaps it’s time Commissioner Gary Bettman considers a maximum contract length rule… unless he prefers to have his contemporaries snickering behind his back.

Snickering… I told you I was hungry. Go enjoy some lunch and check back in at 4 p.m. for your Ride Home links. Love as always.