Is it less masculine to hate college basketball in March or love Michael Buble all year round? For my money, I’d take the Canadian crooner over March Madness any day. Honest to God, our ears haven’t experienced a serenader like Buble since Old Blue Eyes himself… Forget beer, forget maple syrup and forget the hilarious images of lawmen riding around on horses – Canada’s greatest gift to the U.S. is clearly this foxy balladeer.
And what’s up with all the references to homosexuality every time this heartthrob’s name is mentioned? For the most part, musically anyways, the dude unmistakably pays homage to a group of guys who cleared the way for the acceptance of male chauvinism, the practice of slipping roofies into drinks and the degradation of women-folk worldwide... wait a minute…
And college basketball in March… Forgive this for sounding terse, but seriously, who cares? For 11 months out of every year, we all could give two craps about who Murray State, Robert Morris and (insert obligatory no-name school here) are. Then all of the sudden they’re in a tournament with the five college teams we HAVE heard of and we all decide to take sick days from work to catch a few games? Now I understand I’m probably in the minority here, but I just find it more entertaining to watch the PROFESSIONALS as opposed to the AMATEURS. I mean, does anyone feverishly watch minor league baseball? Other than the friends and family of those on the field – I doubt it. Could I do what these guys do? Absolutely not; they’re all finely tuned athletic machines. I just don’t get the fan obsession I suppose.
And the worst part of March Madness… SportsCenter. There must be some official memo sent out to all ESPN staff that states “During the month of March, if anyone so much as mentions hockey, football, baseball, golf or any other athletic event that is NOT college basketball, disciplinary action will be taken and you will not be a part of our hilarious commercials.”
To paraphrase the late, great comedian Mitch Hedberg, if SportsCenter during the month of March was a pie chart about what you would do if you found $1 million, college basketball would be the “Keep it” portion of the pie chart. All other sports combined would be the “Donate it to charity” slice.
- The Suspect