...For The Ride Home: Chuck Norris finds himself on a hockey mask, Conan's old studio gets a makeover and 'I'm Still Here' is fake

For those who wonder why we offer this video to end out Week 25, simply follow the final link below. Hello, Friday, and hello to you, the wonderfully loyal and attractive reader. How was your week? Typical September, it's-almost-fall kind of week? Well, those don't always have to be awful, you know. I mean, after all, it did feature a pretty neat recap of this year's VMAs. Oh. That still wasn't enough to bring your week around to goodness? How about knowing this Sunday will feature the premier of that new HBO show everybody wants to see? Ahh, that's right. I knew that would work. Side: Did anyone out there see last night's episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia?" I missed it, and I'm wondering if the gang got this season started off correctly. Those who may know are oh so welcome to leave an opinion or six in the comments section. Before you do that, though, we would like to offer the following links to send you into the weekend with. From the deepest of our most sincerest emotions, we hope you and yours have a lovely September weekend by doing whatever it is you do (and that may include seeing one of the hopefully-great movies). We hope to see you back here excited and rejuvenated Monday morning. Until then, though, and much like the previous 24 weeks, you must remember: Love you, miss you.

So, that Joaquin Phoenix movie? Yeah, it was staged. Now a Web site asks: Is he the new Andy Kaufman? (Popeater)

Penn State receives $88 million gift. Promptly begins hockey program. (ESPN)

Harry Shearer is mad at NPR. NPR sticks up for itself. All this really does is plant the seed back in my head that I need to watch “This Is Spinal Tap” again. (NPR)

The Daily Beast and Newsweek together? (New York Post)

Have you ever stopped to wonder what NBC is going to do with Conan’s old studio? Well, in case you have, they are going to…turn it into a newsroom. Sorry, Carson. I know you had your eyes set on that new “Last Call” set. (Los Angeles Times)

Dallas Stars goalie puts Chuck Norris on his mask. This is your opportunity to make one of those fabulous Chuck Norris jokes in the comments section. Related: I actually saw a few minutes of “Walker, Texas Ranger” this morning for the first time in my life. (Yahoo)

Sacha Baron Cohen is going to play Freddy Mercury in a biopic. What does Borat think of this? (Rolling Stone)

Watched this last night, so I must mention it today now that it has been parlayed into actual news. Jon Hamm is going to host Saturday Night Live again this year. (Entertainment Weekly)

Who else is going to party with me at this thing all weekend? (WHFS)

Double Feature: Jack Goes Boating & The Town

Each Friday, we will offer up two movies that are scheduled to be released within the accompanying weekend. We know, we know. It’s hard to come across blogs who ever actually get movie talk right. That’s why we won’t say much. A trailer. A paragraph. And boom – all you need to know about what new movies you can take your beautiful object of affection to see this weekend. It's like going to the drive-in movie theater. Remember those? So much fun. Thank us later, not now.

Jack Goes Boating

A lot of movies out this week that I would normally use this space to talk about. But I've been following the evolution of this movie for over a year now, and though I realize it is only a limited release this week (it opens wide next week, though I am sure that will mean going from seven theaters to, oh, say, like 19), I feel as though it is my duty to tackle this one now, the day it finally comes out (even if it is to only a handful of places). As I said yesterday, Philip Seymour Hoffman has forever been, and will forever be, my favoritest actor ever. "The Office" has never been better than it was when Amy Ryan became Michael Scott's love interest for 58 seconds (oh, and she was also phenomenal in something called "Gone Baby Gone"). It has all the elements to be the best movie released this year, and it has all the potential to be one of my top whatever movies in the history of forever. It's love. It's loss. It looks like it has the tone of "Savages." It's sad. It's happy. It's slow. It looks to be every single thing I look for in a great movie. Here's hoping 1) it doesn't let me down and 2) it opens within 200 miles of where I live. Really don't want to have to wait for the DVD on this one. Really, really don't.



The Town

I've been seeing previews for this thing for months upon months upon months now. Jeremy Renner. Jon Hamm. And though I'm not as hot on Ben Affleck as others may be, I think I liked "Extract" a lot more than most, and a lot of that had to do with the fact that he was in it. The surprise? People are actually talking Oscar when it comes to this, a movie that appears to be nothing more than a simple smarty pants action flick. So this just has to be great, right? It has all the big names attached to it (the studio that brought you "The Departed" and, not to mention, some kind of tie into the aforementioned fabulous "Gone Baby Gone"), and we finally get to see the guy who starred in last year's Best Picture winner in another movie, something that felt like it should have happened months ago. But alas, I trust him. I trust Don Draper. And I trust the previews I've seen. This is a great weekend for movies. Don't waste it, friends.

...For The Ride Home: The final Jay-Z/Eminem concert link, Speidi is back on and what have you played the most on your music listening device?

OK, so this is my favorite actor. It's always been this way. I have other crushes. Clooney. Ruffalo. Renner. Hamm. Just to name a few. But this guy has always been at the top of my list for as long as I've been watching movies (which, by the way, is really only five minutes). He happened to be on Craig Ferguson's talk show the other night promoting a movie he's in (a movie we will most certainly get to tomorrow), and he couldn't have come off looking any better than he did in that particular interview. In honor of that, I must offer this photo for your viewing pleasure. So, hello. How do you do? It's Thursday. I did, indeed, get a chance to watch "The Messenger" a couple nights ago, and it was...fan-tas-tic. Really, really one of the better movies of last year. I'm even willing to contend that it may be a better movie than "The Hurt Locker." You can't touch "Up In The Air" or "An Education." But "The Messenger" certainly falls in last year's top five, possibly top three. Woody's great, and the main character is wonderful, too. Don't know a thing about him, either. Hey, if it's raining wherever you are (much like it is where we are), you'd really be best served if you took this final Thursday before the regular television programming begins to sit down with this particular movie. You can thank me later if not now. Before you come to any conclusions on what may be happening this evening, though, may I suggest you have a click or two on a few links below. Hey - cold rainy days are the best days to sit with a couple nicely written pieces, don't you think? Of course! OK. Remember to be good and until Friday, be respectful to others if you want to receive respect yourself.

Jason Whitlock and the Ines Sainz situation. (Fox Sports)

OK. This will be the final Jay-Z/Eminem concert link. Had to get a wrap-up piece in there, though. (Rolling Stone)

No more Tweeting or blogging during Washington Redskins practice. Wow. First no signs and now this. It’s like a dictatorship. (TBD)

The Miami Herald cuts nearly 50 positions. I’m never going to find a job outside of this town, am I? (Miami Herald)

Yeah. So Heidi and Spencer never broke up. Surprise! (Showbiz Spy)

Blockbuster and going out of business. Damn you, Netflix. (Esquire)

Emma Stone suffered an asthma attack during sex scenes in that new movie of hers. I kind of like her. Come on, now. If you were in “Superbad,” you have to be cool, right? (OK!)

Looking at what tops your library when your library is sorted by play count. Kind of neat. (NPR)

Will "Boardwalk Empire" live up to my expectations? I believe so.

Hello again friends… and by again, I mean hello for the first time this week. My deepest apologies for a non-post Tuesday – I’m feeling the grind at work and I unfairly took it out on you. You know, I’m sort of like that kind of cool, kind of annoying friend who won’t finalize plans until the last minute, so you’re not sure if said plans are actually going to happen.

I’m not a big fan of friends like that, so again, sorry about that.

Anyways, on to the subject at hand… and this is a big one for me. Sunday marks the debut of what I believe will be a big show for HBO and pop culture in general. The show was written by a Soprano, directed/produced by a legend, boasts a killer cast and is centered around quite possibly the coolest concept in American film history, the mob… this show was, simply put, created for me. I’m of course talking about “Boardwalk Empire” (if the headline of this post didn't clue you in already).



Gang/mob/mafia/organized crime stories fascinate me, plain and simple. It’s a rough, gritty world that I would never have the gall to participate in, but would love to have been a part of in another life… like if I was bigger and stronger and meaner and able to hit someone in the face without getting a weird, freaked out feeling beforehand.

I think what draws me to that world though isn’t the physicality of it – it’s the strategy, the emotion, the action. But it’s also the code of values, broken as they often are. Call me cliché, but I love my family and I love the concept of family in general, and I know that when everyone else in the world is gone, I can still believe in that.

I’m the guy who loved Tony Soprano because of his family-first mantra, even after he curb-stomped some poor schmuck who couldn’t pay up one week for “protection.” I’m the guy who shed a tear when I realized that Fredo Corleone was about to get whacked by his own brother (indirectly of course)... His. Own. Brother.

ANYWAYS, based in Atlantic City during the start of prohibition, "Boardwalk Empire" follows Nucky Thompson – one part politician, one part gangster, all parts awesome – played by Steve Buschemi, who did some of his best work on “The Sopranos” and “Reservoir Dogs.” The cast also includes a few faces I absolutely adore seeing on any screen, namely Michael Pitt, who I (and possibly only I) LOVED in “Funny Games.” Michael Kenneth Williams from “The Wire” is also on the show, which should make my blogging counterpart squeal with delight.

For more on “Boardwalk Empire,” here’s a link that can explain it better than I.

Now, in the interest of leaving you wanting more, I’m going to cut this rant off by letting you know what Tuesday’s noontime post will be: top gang/mob/mafia/organized crime productions according to me (I haven’t picked a number, hehe). And while I doubt “Boardwalk Empire” will make the list after one episode, stranger things have happened, right? I mean my partner in crime on this very blog actually thought Taylor Swift’s VMA performance was anything but mediocre.

Boom.

In the meantime, I hope you’ll leave some love for Steve Buschemi here in the comments section. I’ll be thinking about you, we’ll see you at 4 p.m. for The Ride. xoxoxo

...For The Ride Home: Bill Simmons is starting a blog, Carey Mulligan is still an absolute doll and is the end of mixtapes here?

If you happen to wander over to a particular pop culture Web site (that may or may not rhyme with Schmop Smatters), you will find a review for this man's latest record, Foundling. That review may or may not have been written by myself recently. Because I couldn't find much from that particular album online, I offer to you, the fabulous reader, a video for the lead single from the man's album-before-the-most-recent, "Fugitive." Love how he shakes his head when he sings. Also love hearing from a publicist that the piece was "nicely written." Hate it when the review is played four reviews down, though. Makes me feel as though my work simply wasn't good enough. Frustrating day, this has been. I'll tell you what. In any case, welcome to Wednesday. It's the middle day of the week. Did you happen to check out our recap of this year's Video Music Awards? You ought to, you know. We've already started some great conversation, and I know you want to join in. Come on, now. You know you do. Before you add your two cents, we suggest clicking on a link or two below. Why? Because we would never steer you, the fantastically beautiful reader, wrong. Until tomorrow friends, be nice when other people aren't around. That's what honest nice people do. And we all want to be an honest nice person, right?

So…Bill Simmons is starting a blog? Under ESPN’s dime? (The Big Lead)

Jack’s Mannequin and Something Corporate will play the same show. My head is spinning just writing that. (Alternative Press)

A vote for “Nightline” to go back to the way it was. As opposed to where it is today. (Chicago Tribune)

Oh, wow. Apple wants to dabble into subscriptions for newspapers. And basically steal all the money made. (San Jose Mercury News)

Three of the Interweb’s most awkward phrases. (CNN)

Edwin Newman, newsman, dies. He was 91. (New York Times)

The end of the mixtape era. Very interesting. (All Hip-Hop)

When Carey Mulligan speaks, we must listen. Love, love the blonde hair. She’s a doll. Absolute doll. (Wall Street Journal)

Recapping the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards

For those of you who may not know, for the last three years, I have been called upon to recap the MTV Video Music Awards for certain outlets. The rules are simple - I break the show into five parts and grade each based upon a curve I have set for the world of popular music. It's a very scientific curve, you know. No, actually, it's not.

Regardless, the following is my take on this year's VMAs, a ceremony that was indeed a little off its game this year (by VMA standards, of course). Enjoy, friends.

Performances: B-

Down from last year's A and the previous year's A-, this year's set of performers are actually lucky to end up with anything above a C. The West/Swift pout-off simply seemed icky. Yes. Icky. Not to dismiss the artists' songs — Swift's track was typical Taylor Swift-like awesomeness, and West was in the running for performance of the year until the second half of his set, when he turned the effects on and his words were completely drowned out. It also must be mentioned that I believe the way the two of them went about things was 100 percent perfect — playing the video before her song was exactly the right thing Swift needed to do, and West yelling from the top of the mountains that he is a laundry list of words I'm not allowed to reprint was, in my opinion, probably the correct way to go. But the whole thing felt a little too put on. We all knew she wanted to address it, but she didn't need to cite lines talking about how he's 32 and needs to grow up. We all knew he wanted to address it, but he didn't need to roll out the 808 to force everyone to watch how he presses buttons to make pretty sounds. Simply put, it could have been done better.



The rest of the night was...bad. Yes. Bad. Linkin Park completely alienated its fan-base with a song that just didn't fit. Robyn playing the show into a break was embarrassing. And what is Florence And The Machine again? Sure, Eminem was inspiring, and yes, Haley Williams makes it impossible to not love her and her band, but even Drake seemed off his game a little (by the way, whatever happened to him taking over the hip-hop world?). Oh, and while Justin Bieber's admittedly interesting arrangement of "Baby" was exciting enough, the dude dropped his drum stick when going for the big drum solo, ironically showcasing a microcosm for how the performance aspect of this year's awards ceremony can be viewed as: Disappointing.
• Best Moment: Eminem rocking "Not Afraid" and "Love The Way You Lie" with more passion than I've ever seen him offer. Ever. No. Like, EVER. Dude sold those songs, and when you add a real, live Rihanna to the mix, it can't get much more sincere when it comes to performing those songs. Everything from them seemed just a tad more honest than anything form anyone else.
• Worst Moment: Linkin Park trying desperately to gain credibility with this new look/sound/approach. Stop, fellas. People don't want you to yell and play fast. They want you to melodically hard rock their depression to the wayside with four-bar raps and industrialized pop. Silly, Linkin Park.

Host: D-
"This is actually making me look forward to Linkin Park," my roommate said no more than two minutes into Chelsea Handler's opening monologue. This should be an F. I just can't bring myself to fail someone so quickly when the individual has only had one shot at trying. I wrote this last year, and I'm going to say it again: The suits should have given Russell Brand a third shot. His effort last year was noticeably better the second time around, and if you would have put him out there for a third year, he had the potential to be memorable. This year? Well, though I can admit I'm not the world's biggest Chelsea Handler fan, I think it was pretty obvious how her night was going to go when we saw her awkwardly prance from one end of the stage to the other during her opening monologue. Yuck. There was nothing about her that seemed polarizing — nothing seemed interesting. Her jokes were either too obscene or too boring. She clearly didn't know how to work the crowd, and while it took me a few minutes to notice, I began obsessing and wondering why the cameras wouldn't pan away to whoever she was talking about whenever she was talking about them. Were the targets of her jokes not in attendance? Did the network not want you to see that no one in the crowd was laughing? Did she make people angry (and if she did, so what? That's the point of opening monologues, anyways) ? Bad idea, MTV. For not having a woman host this thing since 1994, you owe us a good female host next year, now.
• Best Moment: "Don't give it up for the cast of 'Jersey Shore,'" Handler told the crowd at one point. "They're the reason MTV doesn't play your videos."
• Worst Moment: That taped opening bit featuring everybody slapping Handler's butt. How can you incorporate Lindsey Lohan and not be funny at this point? She showed us how.

Stage: C-
The white was actually kind of neat, I thought. When the cameras panned to the first wide shot of the stage, I audibly make a noise for reasons I can't really explain. It simply just took me by surprise, I suppose. All of that said, it still fell so flat in certain areas. It was clear the money shot was the camera they had perched above the dot in the center of the circular stage, and the network went to that way too often. I mean, my goodness. It felt like nearly half of Kanye West's performance was shot form that angle. It was easy to understand what the production team was trying to go for — less is more, let's try and be as "arty" as possible — but some of this show's best performances historically came when the special effects were over the top (i.e. a few years ago in Los Angeles). This is the kind of show that celebrates pomp and circumstance. Why stop now?
• Best Moment: The beginning of Eminem's performance. Before walking onto the round set, they created the illusion of him being in a club. Yes, I know. Pretty uninteresting for a "Best Moment."
• Worst Moment: Usher. I hate to say that, actually. I full-heartedly believe there is something to be said about his longevity within the business (think about it: Who else from 1997's world of pop music is still around so prominently?), but this time around, something felt as though it was missing from his dance moves, song arrangements, lip synching, etc. He tried to use the circle to his advantage, but in the end, it just made me dizzy.

Presenters: B
Sans Kesha, this year's set of presenters was probably the best thing about the production. Jesse Eisenberg. "Modern Family's" Sofia Vergara. A "oh, where have you been?" Justin Timberlake. Emma Stone and her adorable lisp. And Ellen. Yes. Ellen. Coming out to present the Best Female Video seconds after Handler completely bombed, Ellen was the first individual I saw on the television that made me genuinely laugh. The only real problem this year? Having the headlining appearance come from...Cher. Honestly? Cher? You couldn't get anybody else to man that position? Like, anyone? You were in L.A. Why not grab a movie star? Hell, why not grab, oh, say, anyone other than Cher? I mean, my goodness. She must have talked for five minutes and I think I saw her lips move a grand total of four times. Spooky.
• Best Moment: It's a tie. 1) Seeing Jesse Eisenberg look utterly uncomfortable on stage. 2) Seeing Al Bundy's new TV wife glow with enthusiasm for no apparent reason.
• Worst Moment: Well. Cher.

Awards: F
And yes, I am justified in offering a failing grade in this position. Come on, MTV. You've had nearly 30 years to do this, and you still feel like 30 Seconds To Mars put out the best rock video of the last 12 months? What's your problem? I can ignore your disgusting love affair with Lady Gaga (who didn't see those awards coming?). But you nominate B.o.B. for 58 awards and you can't bring yourselves to give him something — anything — to go home with? Not that it hasn't already been hard enough to trust that the "M" in MTV stands for "Music," with its constant adolescent, dumb-minded programming, but using its marquee event as a platform to profess love for a second-rate Madonna is a cheap way to appease the masses that the network only makes stupider with every "Real World" marathon. Digressing from music as a whole can be understood when you are in business for as long as MTV has been. And offering gutless, shallow and gross television shows from time to time can even be forgiven when one considers how viewers must understand that this thing is a "business" over everything else. But why even hold such an awards ceremony when you aren't going to give the non-mainstream pop world a shot, MTV? Who cares if you put Broken Bells in the Best New Artist category? It's like giving a child a bottle to suck on when you know its only a quarter of the way full to begin with: The child's going to start crying again in five minutes, when it realizes the parent has no intention of fulfilling its suggested need.
• Best Moment: The two awards Eminem took home.
• Worst Moment: That meat-y Lady Gaga dress. Really? You had to do that while an 89-year-old Cher is standing a few feet away from you in the same outfit she mistakenly thought she looked good in 25 years ago?

Whew. That's a lot to digest, I know. Of the three years I've been recapping the show, this year's installment is easily MTV's worst. Does it get better next year? Well, MTV will need to find a new host, for starters. Moving back to New York may help, too. The network could maybe get a few more performers worthy of being showcased on the most influential music station's biggest night of the year. Oh, and maybe most importantly, Lady Gaga's next record will have to wait another year to come out. Onward and upward to February's Grammies. In the meantime, feel free to kill me in the comments section. All are always welcome.

...For The Ride Home: John Mayer quits Twitter, the New York Jets say goodbye to a Super Bowl run and Penelope Cruz is pregnant

Hope to sit down with this tonight. Woody was up for an Academy Award last year for his performance, so it's got to be good, right? I hate having those "well, I kind of want to watch this only because I know I should watch this and there is a possibility I may really like it, but not love it" kind of movies come through Netflix. It seems I've come through a patch of those types, too. Hello, Tuesday. First and foremost, I must apologize on behalf of this blog's other brain. He seemingly fell out of touch with his schedule and was unable to offer anything to you lovely, pretty faces this morning. Send all of your hate mail to him. That said, though, I will more than make up for today's lack of a post tomorrow when I offer up the big, old comprehensive review of this year's Video Music Awards. And when I say it's going to be long, goodness, it's going to be long. Promise. Until we get to tomorrow, though, we must offer up these links for your reading pleasure, and relay our most sincere wishes that you and yours have a lovely middle-of-September evening. Enjoy it, friends. The warm days are slowly disappearing.

Oh, when it rains, it pours. Kris Jenkins is out for the rest of the season after last night’s loss to the Ravens. Now, there’s even talk of his career being in jeopardy. (ESPN)

Jay-Z and Eminem began their stint in New York last night. Who wants to make the trip for tonight’s finale with me? (MTV)

Interesting: Reporters and the notion of outing somebody who is gay. Not quite sure what to make of the dude from ESPN. (Bay Area Reporter)

Fox News executive winds up on airplane with three pretty big-name news anchors. Fox News executive complains. (New York Times)

Penelope Cruz is pregnant. Good for her. Watch “Vicky, Christina, Barcelona” tonight. Tonight. (People)

Mike Scioscia thinks the Major League Baseball season should be cut from 162 games to 158. How about, like, 94? (Bleacher Report)

John Mayer quits Twitter. Sad to see him go, actually. We linked a few Tweets from him, I believe. Dude can be funny when he doesn’t get in his own way. Yes, I know we just lost 50 cool points for admitting that. (New York Daily News)

Vince Vaughn and Kevin James are going to tour together. Hmm. (Pollstar)

...For The Ride Home: Sarah Palin needs to shut up, Joaquin Phoenix is going back to see Dave and goodness, 'Mad Men' is great

"People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be." Had a "Mad Men" crunch over the last two hours. Why? Because I love you, silly. Caught up on the last two episodes (as you know, I missed last week, and last night was the VMAs. More on that later, though), and I know I end up saying these kinds of statements week after week, but the most recent two episodes may be some of the best the show has seen. The inner monologues with Don add an element of reflection and tone to the show that frankly somehow hasn't been there before. We saw last night that he wants to start living his life in a better manner, and while we all know one of the biggest attractions the show has is Don's struggle with alcoholism and, well, his life in general, there is something within me that actually wants to see him get better. You really have to wonder if people will turn against the show because of this (assuming this particular story line continues to progress, of course). Hell, even Betty earned a few points when she picked the baby up, gave it Don, and walked away (though, if I may interject for one moment, the look on her face as she saw how Don was with the kid reminded me - for whatever reason - of the end of "The Graduate." Was that regret on her face? Did she really mean it when she told Henry that "they have everything?"). The other fabulous quote from this episode? Again, a line coming from Don's disembodied voice: "We're flawed because we get those things and wish for what we had." This comes after he spends a couple minutes looking back upon what people want from their lives and how ungrateful we all can be once we get those things. And finally (from the episode before the most recent), the more Peggy and Don interact the way they did the night of her birthday, the more I will fall haplessly in love with the show even more. And then he grabs her hand! Yes, that exclamation point was used to show enthusiasm. Whew. This has been a lot. You know where to share the comments. All are welcome. Hello Week 25, and hello links.

Expect a full post (and it will be long) regarding the VMAs Wednesday. That is, if the better half of this operation isn’t planning on tackling it first tomorrow. In the meantime, here is all you need to know in 60 seconds. (MTV)

So, Deadspin hates Tony Dungy. That’s kind of mean. (Deadspin)

The New York Football Jets kick off their season this evening. One of the few nights I regret getting into newspapers in the first place. Oh, and just in case if you were wondering, they apologized to that female reporter. Silly Jets. (USA Today)

Advertising spending is up nearly six percent. If only those ads could be used on print media. Come on, now. Just some of them. (Market Watch)

Oh, Sarah Palin. Will you please just stop. (Missoula Editor)

Floyd Mayweather wants to kill an NBA player. Fifty bucks to anyone who could tell me what team he plays on without looking. (TMZ)

Joaquin Phoenix is going back on David Letterman. This should be interesting. (Popeater)

J-Lo is going to “American Idol.” And those crazy demands reported? These guys say they really weren’t all that crazy. (New York Magazine)

And of course. Your normal "Mad Men" recap. (Entertainment Weekly)

Sundays. Sad days.

All right. So, I'm not the happiest person you'll ever meet. Those who know me the best know that. That said, though, those individuals also know I have the capabilities of being one of the nicest, smartest, caring-est and fun-est dudes they can come across, and that's why I'm lucky enough to have a larger-than-normal core group of really, really great friends. Sure, I may be a bit too sarcastic or cynical from time to time, but as those aforementioned people can attest to, once you figure out what lies underneath of all that, you can simply giggle it off while knowing who I really am, how much love I have in my heart, or how far I've managed to come in this often-complicated life.

But I have a confession to make. I hate Sundays.

No, but really. I do.

They are just so hard, don't you think? There was a months-long span that I consistently said to the same people every Sunday the following: "If I could just have one good Sunday, that's all. That's all I need. Just one." I've since stopped offering such opinions simply because I know everyone is sick of hearing it.

What's wrong with Sundays? Well, it's the beginning of the week, for one. Nobody can do anything on a Sunday without thinking of what it is he or she has to accomplish within the week ahead (and it's not that there's something wrong with having things to accomplish. It's just the feeling of knowing those things aren't done yet. Impatience plays a key role in this, you know). Secondly, Sundays can be often spent as a day of reflection, whether it be while attending some type of church, recovering from a weekend-enduced hangover, saying goodbye to someone you are only allowed to see on weekends, or making that long drive home from wherever it was you spent the previous couple days forgetting about the normal hustle and bustle a life can offer.

Those reasons shutter in comparison to the biggest emotion Sundays are typically accompanied with: Loneliness. As I tweeted this past weekend (which was, by the way, a pretty clever tweet if you happen to enjoy John Mayer from time to time), I am beginning to realize that while alone-time is essential in one's life, knowing you don't have someone else to share certain moments with can weigh heavily on you. Sure, we all want to believe we aren't effected by the notion of loneliness. But the reality is that too much isolation can bring upon too much (possible) sadness. Even someone as independent, stubborn, selfish and ego-driven as myself can admit that I'd love to have a partner in crime when it comes to simplistic day-to-day idiosyncrasies. And Sundays tend to highlight those moments more than any other days a week may hold. It's like a synonym for depression. Sundays make you want to hold someone more than ever while realizing more intensely than ever that, well, you don't really have anyone to hold.

The only thing worse than Sundays? Sundays in the fall. But we'll get back to that once fall officially arrives. In the meantime, I suggest enjoying the only thing a Sunday is good for - the inspiration behind this song, a song that is, by my calculation, the fourth best song ever written...



Thank God for Mondays, right?

...For The Ride Home: Tim Allen throws his hat in for 'The Office,' the NFL does a crazy number, Dave can't stop touring and don's forget the VMAs

We say farewell to a short Week 24 with Eminem and Rihanna's "Love The Way You Lie." Can't seem to get this CD out of my car this week, and I even won a poker game last night while listening to the entire thing from front to back. I've said it before and I will offer it now to you, my friends: Rihanna really plays the sympathetic woman part awfully well. It's completely awful what she had to go through to get there, but there's something about hearing that voice sing those words that makes it feel a bit more sincere than when the others sing it. Anyways, how are you? It seems like we never had a chance to catch up all week, right? The usual seasonal depression is setting in and when you couple that with my recent failures at the only things I deem important in life - a career, a family, love - it suggests this fall may be a bit worse than others in the past. Now, I'm not saying I want to jump off a bridge, or any such nonsense, but if I happened to be walking on one and someone nudged me the right way, I wouldn't fight it. Anyways, what all of this also means is that the NFL season begins this weekend. Or, well, it began last night. But the first weekend is this weekend. Some of us will be rooting for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Some of us will be rooting for the New York Jets. Others, well, others will not matter. From the bottom of our bottomest hearts, we sincerely hope you have a wonderful September weekend, and before we get ready to meet back here Monday, again, we must remind you, love you, miss you.

Don’t forget: Sunday, the Video Music Awards go down. Expect something about that at some point on this here blog. In the meantime, check out Eminem – the man who is set to open the show – and the five greatest VMA performances he’s offered. (MTV)

Yep. The NFL is the most popular sport in America. Last night’s game’s numbers were outstanding. (Sports Illustrated)

High school journalism funds are cut. “They feel the money can be used in better ways.” For what? Catering prom? (The Topeka Capital-Journal)

A social news service? Hmm. (New York Times)

The Vandals vs. Variety. (Reuters)

Your weekly “who is going to replace Michael Scott” update. Today’s edition? Tim Allen. (Third Age)

I know I’m only a season in, and I know it’s been spoiled to see that she’s not on “House” anymore. But I love Jennifer Morrison. Love, love, love her. And now, she’s taking her talents to… “How I Met Your Mother.” (Showbiz Spy)

Wow. Said last night how disappointed I was knowing I wasn’t able to catch Dave Matthews this year while knowing the band is taking next year off. Today, fall tour dates are announced. Happy day. (Pollstar)

Guess who said it: “I don’t smoke pot. I’m not gay.” (USA Today)

Double Feature: I'm Still Here & Lovely, Still

Each Friday, we will offer up two movies that are scheduled to be released within the accompanying weekend. We know, we know. It’s hard to come across blogs who ever actually get movie talk right. That’s why we won’t say much. A trailer. A paragraph. And boom – all you need to know about what new movies you can take your beautiful object of affection to see this weekend. It's like going to the drive-in movie theater. Remember those? So much fun. Thank us later, not now.

I'm Still Here

Intriguing, intriguing set of movies released this week (and the last week before one of the more anticipated movies I've seen previewed — "The Town" — finally comes out. How great does that look? Jeremy Renner. Jon Hamm. Are you kidding me?) So, this is what Joaquin Phoenix was up to all this time, eh? I have a sneaky suspicion this thing isn't going to open within 500 miles of me, so if anyone happens across it throughout the weekend, any comments left would be oh, so greatly appreciated. Casey Affleck is the only other name attached to this, so it must be great, right? Though I know I won't be able to catch it until it hits DVD, the hopes for this lie somewhere next to "Spinal Tap." Weather or not it turns out to be a music-y "Borat," remains to be seen, but we can at least keep our fingers crossed that these two dudes know what they are doing. Besides, you've seen "Walk The Line" and "Gone Baby Gone," right?



Lovely, Still

This was recommended to me weeks ago. I had no idea it was this close to actually coming out. Martin Landau (who, by the way, is absolutely fabulous in "Entourage") plays an old guy who falls in love with an old lady. Or, at least, so the previews suggest. Why would anybody want to see this? That's a great question. Why would I want to see it? Because it seems cute, silly! Love stories are the best (though only when they pan out, which is something I, in 26 years, have personally been unable to see through). The best part? Kids can double date with their parents. As the elders take in this particular film, the teens can sit in on a screening of "Going The Distance," though make sure you are over 18 because dang, that movie is crude. In any case, if you love love (something I've been guilty of way more often than a man should), give this a shot. If for no other reason because all people above the age of 60 are better than you. Honestly.

...For The Ride Home: 'The Wire,' Tevez is about to call it quits and LFO lead singer dies

Saw this the other day. It was...fine. The movie itself was actually a bit funnier than I had anticipated. The story, though? Not so much. Charlie Day completely steals the movie, but that's expected. It felt as though it dragged a bit, too. And that's odd, considering it's a romantic comedy, for God's sake. In any case, welcome to Thursday and the middle of September. I'm going to cut this short because, well, I'm out of time. Work calls, friends. Work calls.

“The Wire” as American Noir. If there would have been a Ride yesterday, this would have been there. (Popmatters)

Tom Brady was in a car accident. This would be a good time to remind you that the NFL season kicks off tonight. (WEEI)

OK. If anybody shuts down “Fresh Air,” they need to resign as soon as possible, anyways. (Jackson Free Press)

LFO frontman dies. Sad. (MTV)

Justin Bieber takes up three percent of Twitter. Honestly? (The Telegraph)

Carlos Tevez is thinking about quitting international soccer. (Deadspin)

American Dream or American Nightmare? Experiences of a first time home-buyer

“This too shall pass.” Many people who are many times brighter than I have said it… King Solomon, Abraham Lincoln, a bunch of poets… but I say it again today, just to reiterate its relevance.

That's kind of a halfway decent segue into today's post. Not really, but sort of.

Saw this story yesterday and felt compelled to write something about my experience as a first time home-buyer. As I mentioned on Tuesday, I recently celebrated my two-year anniversary with my wife. With that milestone comes the near-two-year anniversary of beginning our quest for the “American Dream” - home ownership.

Two years ago we bought a little red brick ranch in one of those housing plans that developed in the mid 1950s. After 50+ years of wear 'n tear and a prior inhabitant that couldn't maintain the home the way it needed, we had some work to do.

Wait, scratch that - someone had some work to do. I'm about as handy as a left foot.

Within the first couple months we got new windows, new insulation, new carpet (it was Exorcist puke green with weird orange stains here and there), an exhaust fan, updated electric (they still had two prong outlets, seriously), a nice deck and a radon regulator… I'm still not sure if I think radon actually exists or if it's just a brilliant marketing ploy, but I digress.

After an initial project like that, I was convinced I had a good five years before I needed to do anything. I mean, that's a lot of stuff.

Of course, I could not have been any more wrong.

Since then it's one thing after another - some things are obviously bigger than others. New doors, shutters (holy crap were those a pain), some landscaping, dehumidifier for the basement, hornet's nest the size of a football under the deck (puke), gutter issues, yard and insect issues, etc, etc, etc.

Am I happy with being a homeowner? Of course I am. It makes more sense financially and it's great having a place to call your own (even if the bank technically owns it until 2038). What's not great is having to fix or pay someone else to fix all this crap.

And now, with a kitchen re-do looming (we currently have worn plastic pink countertops and the original cabinets from 1955 that have just a hint of old people odor), I once again ask myself, is this really worth it? Is this truly the “American Dream?”

So I turn to you, the trusted friends/readers - what have been those projects that made foreclosure sound pretty damn appealing? Renters, feel free to chime in as well - misery loves company.

That's all for now guys and gals - I hope to read a few comments when I get home later on tonight. They make the day so much brighter. Until then, toodloo.

No Ride Home

Sorry, friends. No Ride today. Simply not enough time. Instead, though, we offer you, by my personal calculations, the third greatest song ever written. Be nice to others, now. Always.

The Wire + Toy Story = greatness.

Plans of a new feature fell through today. And yes, it's too much to get into to explain. So alas, we offer this, the "Toy Story" and "The Wire" mash-up that is dripping with fabulous-ness. Check it out. See you for The Ride!

...For The Ride Home: Letterman visits 'The View,' The Anvil gets arrested and more from the Mike Wise situation

Saw this last night. Watched it with two other people, and without any doubt, I was the one who enjoyed it the most (one of the others had already seen it, though). It was...better than I thought it would be. Actually moderately-to-a-lot better than I thought it was going to be. And it's hard to be funny. But there were moments that I thought were genuinely funny. If I thought only three of those moments were going to occur going in, it turned out that somewhere around five actually happened. That's a good ratio. Anyways, hello Week 24. How do you do? First and foremost, we here at The Unusual Suspects headquarters would like to offer sincere apologizes for not offering up a "Mad Men" recap this week, but 1) I wasn't able to watch it yet, 2) It's Tuesday, so it's too old to speak of now and 3) There will indeed be a link below that leads you to our usual "Mad Men" recap piece penned by Entertainment Weekly. To make it up to you, though, we would like to point out that there may or may not be something brand new that is brewing for tomorrow. Could it be a new feature? Could it be a huge announcement? Could it be wonderful? Could it make you love us that much more? Goodness, so many questions to be answered. You'll have to check back to see what all the fuss is about. Before that gets here, though, check out a few links, enjoy this September afternoon and think back to all the fantastic memories you made over Labor Day weekend.

The Anvil gets arrested for drug possession. I defy you to come up with five names of former professional wrestlers who adjusted to normal life easily. (Tampa Tribune)

Boise State clinched a national title berth last night. Today, they gain seven first-place votes in the AP poll. (ESPN)

Nobody buys newspaper advertisements anymore. Oh, this is bad. (Editor & Publisher)

Editor is charged by coroner for two interviews. Funny. (Twitter)

More from the Mike Wise fallout. Now, the Post’s ombudsman takes his shots. (Washington Post)

ABC News loses its leader. Get those resumes ready. (CNN)

Barbara Walters comes back to “The View.” David Letterman visits. (USA Today)

And here is your weekly “Mad Men” wrap-up. Need to catch up before this Sunday. (Entertainment Weekly)

When is the last time a pick up line worked?

There was a story on Yahoo’s main page yesterday that was entertaining if nothing else. It was all about conversation starters for singles, with valuable tips such as “be casual and friendly,” (duh) “accidentally eavesdrop” (creepy) and “show your sense of humor” (as long as it’s not too sadistic, I imagine).

Let’s be honest, when they say “conversation starters” they really mean pick up lines.

Pick up lines are always funny to me for some reason, although I must admit I don’t remember ever using one. I always got the impression that the people who used them spent more time perfecting their pitch than focusing on their extreme character flaws… but I digress.

Here’s a few of the classics off the top of my head – those tried and true pick up lines that have stood the test of time… and most likely never got anyone a real phone number in the process. I hope you get a few chuckles out of these:

- Did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
- What's the problem with the alphabet? You and I aren't together.
- Are you religious? Because you are the answer to my prayers.
- Falling for you would be a very short trip.
- Remember me? Oh, that's right. I've only met you in my dreams.
- Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo.
- I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
- You're like pizza. Even when you're bad, you're good.
- Do your feet hurt? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

I’ve clearly been out of the game for a little while and don’t know some of the better ones… but surely you do, and can leave them in the form of comments below, hehe.

Now for the point of this post - I have not needed to think of a good pick up line in quite some time, seeing as how my beautiful wife and I celebrated our two year wedding anniversary yesterday! Oh that’s right, an exclamation point friends.

For those of you who are curious, we were pretty low key. We went on a 10 mile bike ride (no, we’re not hippies, we just like to bike ride), packed a picnic lunch then later we grilled some PERFECT Delmonico steaks. My wife planned the day… she is awesome.

And just so you know, the picture above is NOT us. Thank you Google images.

Don’t forget to leave some love and pick up lines – see ya’ll at 4 p.m. for The Ride Home. Exes and Ohs.

...For The Ride Home: Love finds Jesse James again, Christians and sex, China is the future of journalism and the biggest concert ever in Detroit

Wanted to give you "Monster" with 'Ye, Jay, and...Bon Iver. But there wasn't a damn video on YouTube that actually worked. That's awfully annoying. Instead, we offer you the remix to "Power" to send you off into the (cue the creepy music) last weekend of summer. It also concludes Week 23 here at The Unusual Suspects headquarters. It was a fun week, don't you think? In addition to picking up a few new friends on Twitter, we talked about tailgating, Bob Bradley's contract extension, Chinese food and, of course, two movies I really can't wait to see (side: "Invictus" is not worth your time). It was a busy, busy week for myself, though now that I find myself at Friday, I am a mere few hours away from finally getting to where I want to be. Per tradition, we will not be stopping by Monday as we all celebrate the notion of labor, but we sincerely hope each and every one of you have a fantastic holiday weekend, and that you spend it wisely by saying goodbye to the summer of 2010 with a bang. We will be back to hang out/beg for advice on such things as food, life, movies and television/offer some links/smile/laugh/cry/love with each and every one of you on Tuesday. Until then, check out a few stories below, don't forget to grab this weekend by the gonads and live life to its fullest and, never could I forget: Love you, miss you.

Everybody. And I mean eve-ery-body was at the first Jay-Z/Eminem show last night. Also, a quick happy birthday to Beyonce this weekend, as well. Fabulous. (All Hip-Hop)

Reporter covers murder trial. Police investigate reporter. (State Journal-Register)

Really, though. Investigative journalism can’t die. It just can’t. (American Journalism Review)

So…now China is the future of journalism? (Newsweek)

Jerry Lewis wants to smack Lindsay Lohan. Oh. And his telethon is this weekend, too. (ThirdAge)

John Feinstein weighs in on the Mike Wise debacle at the Washington Post. Didn’t know they were friends. (Feinstein On The Brink)

Wow. Kat Von D is in love with Jesse James. Wonder how Sandy feels. (New York Daily News)

When you stumble across a headline such as this, you have to click it: “How Christians spoil sex.” (CNN)

“Rock Band” will now feature Snoop Dogg. So, does anyone still buy those games anymore? No one, right? That’s what I thought. (Pollstar)

Double Feature: Going The Distance & The American

Each Friday, we will offer up two movies that are scheduled to be released within the accompanying weekend. We know, we know. It’s hard to come across blogs who ever actually get movie talk right. That’s why we won’t say much. A trailer. A paragraph. And boom – all you need to know about what new movies you can take your beautiful object of affection to see this weekend. It's like going to the drive-in movie theater. Remember those? So much fun. Thank us later, not now.

Going The Distance

It's been feast or famine this summer for movies and I. Fortunately, this weekend is looking particularly feast-like. I saw the preview for this first while on vacation and taking in "The Kids Are All Right," and was immediately drawn to it. Jason Sudeikis. Charlie Day. Drew Barrymore. And though I'm not even in the large faction of people who seem to love Justin Long, he looks likable in the sections I've seen of this flick on television. Good news, too. It's even opening to good reviews! It's romantic. It's a comedy. And considering I've already worn my heart upon my sleeve while gushing over the (not so typically loved) "Leap Year," this thing has to be right up my alley, right? Besides, this is the first time we get to see Charlie from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" on the big screen. And you have to root for that, even if he simply plays an extension of his character from the aforementioned television show (which the previews suggest he does). No way this movie doesn't get two milk-stakes up. Anything less would be a crime.




The American

It's a dude movie. Action. Clooney. What else do you want? Much like the above, there are plenty of reviewers who believe in this, and that makes me happy. After "Up In The Air," George could remake "Aladdin" in anime, release it in 3D only and somehow incorporate the next UFC pay-per-view, and I'd want to be at a theater on opening night. Also rumored in this flick: A Clooney with no shirt. Not too sure how I feel about that. Watching him act his just so easy, and he's been one of the few to never feel the need to expose his body in a movie. OK. That sounded a bit too prude-ish. Never mind. Go ahead, George. Do what you want. This appears to be the weekend to kick off a string of good-to-great movie weekends from now until the end of the year simply because Oscar season is slowly, yet surely, creeping in. And thank God. No way would I be able to stand another weekend like this.

...For The Ride Home: A new candidate for Michael Scott, Jay-Z & Eminem kick off their stint tonight and hello, college football. How are you?

A montage of "Saved By The Bell" photos. For no reason. I'm just tired. Really tired, actually. I can't understand why. Something about today that feels lackadaisical. It's hot. Really hot. In fact, it hasn't really been this hot since June, which, on some level is good because that means I didn't have to suffer through the hotness all summer. But it's bad right now, because, well, it's that hot. That said, I can't complain too much about the hotness. Much prefer hot over cold. And as we all know, cold is on its way. Anyways, hello, hello. Welcome to Thursday, the second-to-last day of the week, a week I have simply been begging to be finished with. One more day and then we sing, dance, take our clothes off, drink, eat, smile, laugh, and enjoy the other fabulous things life can offer from time to time. Until we get there, though, we must offer a few links for you lovely readers to ponder. From the bottom of our bottom-est hearts, we here at The Unusual Suspects headquarters hope that you have a wonderful evening and that you have sured up some Labor Day weekend plans, in spite of a possible hurricane that may just ruin lives. Be well, friends.

The college football season officially begins tonight. Here’s a look at USC before they travel to face Hawaii this evening. Man, the Trojans had an awful off-season. (SB Nation)

The other big thing going on tonight? Jay-Z and Eminem kick off their very limited string of dates in Detroit. Here they are, by the numbers. (MTV)

Interesting find: Paywall subscribers are worth a quarter of print readers. (Paid Content)

New York Times executive editor slams the Wall Street Journal. Love media fights. (Vanity Fair)

Late on this, but it’s a big deal: Paste calls it quits. (Journal-Constitution)

T.I. got arrested on drug charges. My goodness. After this guy tries so hard to recuperate his imagine with that idiotic MTV show, this happens. Joke city. (Billboard)

Ahhh, yes. Today is 90210 day. (Time)

Harvey Keitel throws his name in the hat to replace Michael Scott on “The Office.” (Entertainment Weekly)