...For The Ride Home: Somebody says something mean about Katy Perry, 10 acts to check out at the ACL music fest and America is winning the Ryder Cup!

So, Jay kills it here. He really does. If you happen to be around speakers, and you fancy yourself a hip-hop fan, you really ought to consider giving this a listen. But none of that is the story, actually. The reason you should take note of this song is because...wait...for...it...OK: This is the track that MC Hammer is so upset about. Mr. Carter doesn't even really diss him here, but the "You Can't Touch This" mastermind is trying to promote a new album. So alas, if you've read about the controversy, or happen to be a super duper MC Hammer fan, and haven't heard what all the fuss is about, now you know. It's not like we didn't love you, Week 27, it's just that we must move on for ourselves. Please don't take it personal. It was a good week, you know. It's not you, really. It's us. Hopefully we can leave the door open for future get-togethers. Is that OK, Week 27? All right. Good. Welcome to October, and welcome to a 31 day month. It always seems so daunting when you say it like that, doesn't it? Who's going to see "The Social Network" this weekend? I may have to wait until early next week to see it, so no spoilers, please. Whether or not you venture to the theater this weekend, though, we here at The Unusual Suspects would like to offer our best wishes your way and we sincerely hope, from the bottom of our hearts, that you are able to enjoy the first weekend of October to its fullest. Until Monday, read a few of the links below, cuddle up with someone you love if it happens to get cold, and don't forget that just like the previous 26 weeks, we love you, miss you.

LeBron James blames race for the backlash against his decision to play for Miami. This was what we in the trade like to say something you can “put on a tee” for Mr. Jason Whitlock. Read this. (Fox Sports)

“I heard she put out a song about me, or about some old habits or whatever. I look at it like this: I’m just stoked that she finally has a song with some substance on her record. Good job.” (MTV)

The lesson learned here? Don’t look at porn or gambling sites while at work. (Stars And Stripes)

Someone from Kansas State took home the Rolling Stone College Journalism Award. Our hats go off to you, sir. (The Collegian)

I’m going to keep linking stories about The Boston Globe’s latest idea only because I am utterly fascinated with it. Will it work? If it works, what will the implications be for the future of journalism? This should be taught in college courses. Professors out there, take note. (Media Nation)

Hey, hey. The United States is winning after the first day of the Ryder Cup! Remember to tune in this weekend after you stumble home from the bar to watch live coverage! (BBC)

A list of acts you should check out if you are lucky enough to make it to the Austin City Limits festival next weekend. May we humbly add Norah Jones to the list. She’s such a doll. (Spin)

Larry David talks about the NFL. That’s all you really need to know. (NFL)

“Titanic” in 3D. Now that’s an idea. (ABC News)

“Dancing With The Stars” contestants announced - It’s all downhill from here.

Hello friends/readers (in that order) – a little apology is due. Last Thursday I neglected to post for our regular noontime rant about the lesser important things in life. And while I wish I had some dramatic, tug-at-the-heartstrings excuse for you – like I was rescuing a group of girl scouts from a burning building or concocting the cure for the common cold – alas, my reason for abandoning my post (get it, get it?!) was barely noteworthy…

I thought it was Wednesday. Seriously. Ever have one of those days?

Either way, this is me offering my sincerest apology. You can send virtual bags of dog doodoo to my virtual front porch in the form of comments… or you can reassure me and tell me you’re CURRENTLY having one of those days. I’ll still love you either way. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

ABC recently announced the lineup for this season’s “Dancing With The Stars,” and I must say it’s a pretty intriguing one to me. This show has seemed to develop an odd respect in the entertainment industry – it can clean the slate of someone with a less than reputable past, it can revive the career of a former star and it can introduce a niche celebrity to the masses.

For those reasons, I find the selection of the “Stars” to be much more interesting than the show itself. Truth be told, I haven’t watched a full episode in a few seasons now, but I eagerly await the blogs and stories that stem from it (the romance, betrayals and scandals, oh my!).

So onto the task at hand: Below are this year’s “Stars” and a little diddy about each. Of course your comments are much more valuable than the words I have to write, so please, give your thoughts.

Florence Henderson
As long as the former Carol Brady isn’t extremely rhythmically-challenged, she should do great in this competition. She’ll get the mom/grandma vote, the “lets vote for the old lady” vote and the nostalgia vote. Look for her to go deep into the season and land more than a few show/movie offers afterward. Maybe the next Betty White?

Kurt Warner
Much like his football playing counterparts in the past (Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice, NOT Chad Ochocinco), this former Arizona Cardinals QB should do great. He’s got the good looks, I’m sure he’s pretty nimble and a great rags-to-riches back-story. He’ll get the man vote, the ESPN vote and the “he’s come so far” vote.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino
Yuck. If rumors about this “Jersey Shore” cast member are true, the DWTS crew will need to stock up on Febreeze and air fresheners. I don’t like him going too far in the competition, unless by some freak chance he’s a really good ballroom dancer… can’t wait to see how he works showing his abs into his routines (sarcasm). He’ll get the MTV vote, the meathead vote and the “lets bang chicks” vote… so maybe he’ll go farther than I think.

Bristol Palin
The jury’s out on this chick. She’s been so hot and cold in the media over the last couple years, it’s hard to say if she’ll get viewers’ sympathy or vengeance. She’ll probably get the republican vote, the teenage pregnancy vote and the “I feel bad for the freak show life she’s had” vote.

Michael Bolton
“Why don’t you change your name to Mike? – Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.” “For my money it doesn’t get any better than when he belts out ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’… I celebrate the guy’s entire catalog.” Ah “Office Space,” how you bring such joy into my life. Bolton will do OK; he’ll get the secretary vote and the former heartthrob vote. If he can poke some fun at his old hairstyle he’ll do even better.

Margaret Cho
This comedian-actress probably won’t do too great. She looks like she has very little coordination and she’s never had a huge following to my knowledge. But she’ll get the funny vote and maybe the underdog vote. Eh.

Rick Fox
The former LA Laker could be a sleeper. Like I said with Warner, athletes seem to do pretty well in this competition, and LA is a pretty big market if he’s still popular there. He’ll get the NBA vote and the weird facial hair vote.

Jennifer Grey
Ummm… she’ll do good… she’s a lady… she’s probably kind of attractive… all right I’m busted. I know nothing about this woman other than she was in “Dirty Dancing.” Knowing that and that alone, she’ll get the college dance major vote, the chick-flick vote and my wife’s vote.

David Hasselhoff
Aren’t we over this guy yet? How many career reinventions can we possibly give him before he reverts to 3 a.m. infomercials? Alas, he’ll still make it at least a few rounds deep and we’ll have to listen to him put “hoff” into words that clearly should not share connotation with this has-been (hoff-tastic? Really?). He’ll get the “wouldn’t it be funny if” vote, the drunk vote and the hilarious attempt at eating a burger while hammered vote.

Kyle Massey
I would have to refer to the better half of this blog for info about this Disney star, as he could punch me in the face right now and I would still not recognize him. He’ll get the kid vote, the “how cute” vote and the “trying so hard” vote. Yawn.

Brandy Norwood
Apparently she’s a singer-actress. Apparently she won’t go far unless she’s a great dancer. She’ll get the “I bought her record” vote… but that’ll probably be it.

Audrina Patridge
This chick is on “The Hills,” which means she probably won’t do too hot either. The MTV vote is already going to The Situation since that show’s hotter now, so Patridge may be doomed from the get-go. She’ll get the “I hate ‘Jersey Shore’” vote and the “I love ‘The Hills’” vote.

We’ll be missing you until you come back at 4 p.m. for The Ride.

Miss Universe pageant brings laughter into at least one home… mine

For the last couple years, my wife and I have created a new tradition in our house where we watch the annual Miss Universe pageant, place little bets on who will win and then poke fun at the proceedings. Typically, the question and answer portion of the program garners the most sarcastic comments, and last night was no exception.

And let me throw in a disclaimer here: we have nothing against this whole pageant thing. We just like to bust chops. And we’re equal opportunity chop-busters - you can ask anyone.

Anyways, if you were one of the many unfortunate people who missed out on this trainwreck, let me break it down for you… and PS, this is paraphrased from my memory. It was so good I don’t even need to look it up for reference.

Judge (to Miss Philippines): What is one major mistake you’ve made in your life and what did you do to rectify it?
Miss Philippines (to the judge, the audience and the world): “You know, I’ve never made any major, major mistakes in my life, so I just want to thank you and everyone for the opportunity to be here today!

And yes, the exclamation point is there because she ACTUALLY sounded excited by her response. That’s right, in her head, she nailed it.

Needless to say, Miss Philippines did not win the fun little bedazzled crown this year – that honor went to Miss Mexico, who looked strangely not Mexican in my opinion, but I digress. She is the only one of the final five that gave a response that was hard to pick on.

Other highlights from this part of the show included:
- Miss Jamaica saying only one person has the right to end a life, and that person is God.
- Miss Ukraine sounding like a scary robot character from a Tim Burton film
- Miss Australia assuming (in a way-too loud and excitable voice) that everyone has the freedom to choose their religion, and how one of our unalienable rights is the right of fashion…

There are several confusing elements to this competition:

1. On what criteria are the judges chosen? Does the brilliant thespian William “Billy” Baldwin have some kind of background in finding/understanding the subtle nuances of “true beauty?” Does Gold Medal Winning Figure Skater Evan Lysacek have a pedigree for comprehending the correct way a certain dress should look on a certain woman? Come on folks, isn’t this all just personal opinion?

2. Is there specific criteria for why Miss A scored a 7.657 on the swimsuit portion of the show, while Miss B nailed it with an 8.493?

3. Was the competition always a two-hour infomercial for Chi haircare products?

4. Why the hell didn’t Miss Ireland and Miss Guatemala make the final five?

Until next time, friends, come on back at 4 p.m. for The Ride.